My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
