my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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