I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
