she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
