theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
