Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
