at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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