Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
