You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
