Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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