i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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