Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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