I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
