so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
