just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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