Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
