Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
