Everything about him screamed your future.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
