its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
