does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
