You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
