WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Randomize