So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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