TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize