I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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