everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
40s are totally the cure
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Randomize
