Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
