You were right. It hurts to walk today.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
