I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
