I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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