just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
