Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
