the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
