There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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