3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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