My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize