Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
