me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize