What a fucking waste of an outfit
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
