Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
The uberlube is also flammable
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
