He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
