What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
