He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
