I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
sex in a hospital.. check
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
