Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
