Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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