woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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