Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Sorry about my life...
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
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