If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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