So drunk, too bad you don't want this
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
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