so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
