i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
