You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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