I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
