then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
