My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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