Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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