So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
he quoted the bible to break up with me
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
