Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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