I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
