i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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