im drinking this country out of the recession.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
