just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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