what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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