i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
